Helping someone in your family who will not get help

People often describe a family member who refuses offers of support, misses appointments, withdraws socially or says they are managing when you think they are not. You may feel guilty, angry, helpless or continually on edge. Those reactions are understandable.

Naming those feelings for yourself can help you decide what to do next. It is reasonable to be worried and also to recognise that you cannot force someone to accept help against their will unless there is a legal reason to act.

You can control the way you respond, not the other person’s choices. Practical, small actions are often the most useful.

• Offer practical help - for example, suggest looking up appointments, sending a message, or going with them to a GP. You can do these as offers rather than demands.
• Keep communications open and low-pressure. Short, regular contacts can make a person feel less isolated without forcing a decision.
• Make safety plans for your household - clear where to get help quickly, and who else you can contact if you need support.
• Look up options so you are ready if the person changes their mind. Our /therapists/ page lists ways to find counselling and psychological help for adults aged 18 and over, and our /articles/ page has guidance on talking to someone who is struggling.

When you are contacting services or professionals, it helps to know whether the person is an adult aged 18 or over, as the therapists listed see adults.

People commonly report feeling responsible for another adult’s choices. You are not responsible for another person’s decisions in the way you are responsible for a child. Adults have the right to refuse help unless there is a legal or immediate-safety reason to intervene.

Recognising that boundary can reduce repeated attempts to persuade, which often leave you more drained. Setting clear limits on what you will do, and what you will not, lets you conserve energy and protect your own wellbeing.

When you are exhausted it is harder to make steady, calm choices. Practical self-care keeps you available and less likely to burn out.

• Keep basic routines where you can - sleep, eating, and short breaks. These are small but stabilising.
• Use your support network. Tell a friend that you need someone to listen, or ask a relative to take a turn making contact.
• Seek practical help for yourself. You can look at our /articles/ pages for ideas on managing stress and navigating conversations. You can also find qualified counsellors and therapists on the /therapists/ page if you decide you would like support to cope.
• Set boundaries - decide how much time and energy you can safely give, and be clear in ways that feel firm but kind.

Nobody can diagnose someone over a page. However, if you believe a person is at immediate risk of harming themselves or someone else, act quickly.

• Call 999 if there is immediate danger.
• Call Samaritans on 116 123 if you need someone to talk through urgent worry or suicidal feelings for yourself or for guidance about what to do next.

If you are trying to decide whether to seek emergency help, trust clear observations - for example, sudden severe changes in behaviour or threats to safety. If you are worried and uncertain, it is reasonable to call emergency services or Samaritans for advice.

People commonly find indirect routes work when direct offers are refused.

• Offer neutral help - suggest practical tasks that do not name mental health, such as helping with paperwork, getting groceries, or attending a medical appointment for a physical issue.
• Use a trusted intermediary - sometimes a friend, community worker or religious leader may be listened to when family are not.
• Provide information - leave a printed note with clear options like GP contacts, local counselling services, or a crisis number. Avoid pressure; the choice must stay with them.
• Ask professionals for guidance about next steps you can take without breaching privacy. You can contact a GP practice or local mental health advice line to explain your concerns and ask what options exist for an adult who will not engage, without giving identifying clinical judgments.

Keep a record of what you have tried. That can be useful if services become involved later. If the situation involves a person under 18, or if you are unsure about responsibilities, check with local services for the right route - remember the therapists listed on /therapists/ are for adults aged 18 and over.